the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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