i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
this boner is exhausting
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
