Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
