I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
