Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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