He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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