I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
They took my balls.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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