I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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