"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Randomize
