Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Randomize
