Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
