I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I can't put those talents on a resume
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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