Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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