i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
