There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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