Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize