I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
