my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
