U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
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