Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize