I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
