We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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