My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My apartment stinks of burning failure
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
