Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
