well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
