2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
