Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
