Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
