he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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