Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
tell me about the eggs
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
