I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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