I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
