so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
