You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The feeling are messing with the penis
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
