Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
