i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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