i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The best revenge is premature balding
two words: eviction party
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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