Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
