you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
