just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
