Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
