I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
We had to coat check the pizza.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
