Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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