he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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