Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
