Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
