Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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