I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
