My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
The beers last night were like the tears from god
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
