Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
the liver wants what the liver wants
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
