Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
