i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
