I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
My Higher Power is John Stamos
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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