I'm so fucking centered right now
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
