I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
