Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
