At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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