You don't have asthma, your pregnant
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
