Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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