Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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