ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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