My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
