Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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