Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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