Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm passing your future prison.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize