I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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