i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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