At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
