hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
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